I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My balls are so social today.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
