I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
