Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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