maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
