How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
