I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
