you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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