the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize