I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
