I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
