I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
