I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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