I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
