Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
