this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
