i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
