nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize