Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize