We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I want her autograph on my taint
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
