Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I can't turn off my feet"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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