How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
