im having a threesome with these popsicles
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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