I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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