i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
