I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
