it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
