No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
