it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
