but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
