UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Send help, water and tortillas.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize