Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
