I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
