I wish I could punch you in the face.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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