he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Randomize
