Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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