Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i drank out of a bidet.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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