This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
