I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
