What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
