who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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