Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
