Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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