My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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