it hurts more in the daytime
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
