I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
