At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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