You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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