She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
