Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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