I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
