I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
