dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
