You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
