Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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