You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
