I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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