did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The uberlube is also flammable
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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