i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Even my vagina gasped.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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