Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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