A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
