u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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