I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize