I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
