the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
