my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
