just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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