Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
