I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
