I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize