he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I FOUND THE LEGS
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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