dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
