dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
