She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
